When it's hard to let the 'possible' things go 

Being a leader means that having a heightened awareness of potential risks is not just beneficial—it’s essential. From safeguarding and financial stability to maintaining team morale, leaders are constantly on guard for danger. Some risks are obvious, like financial or operational challenges, while others are more nuanced, like the power dynamics in your congregation or team loyalty in your business. Leaders are also simultaneously attuned to personal risks in their lives; things like health issues or their personal finances.

Difficulty arises when leaders begin to struggle to discern what is merely possible from what is actually probable. I have seen how the ability to make this distinction is massively affected by workplace anxiety and the long-term pressure of leadership. Our desire to stay in control can morph into believing that every ‘possible disaster’ is more than probable. The danger of not making this distinction effectively is that every responsible leader feels compelled to take action. 

During a period of really intense pressure in the parish, alongside having young children I found myself resigned to the idea that my life's work was resolving problems as soon as they appeared. I had taken the view that nipping every problem in the bud would avoid much more pain later on. It was totally exhausting. Everyday I felt like a backstop who was trying to catch baseballs that were being fired at me from multiple directions. Of course, I totally lacked the discernment to recognise that only a tiny proportion of these issues actually needed my attention and an even smaller number were genuine threats. 

Ironically, the greatest probable risks were that I was becoming a controlling leader and that I was going to seriously burn out. I reengaged an old therapist who helped me find my way back to accepting that there is a huge difference between possible issues and probable ones. This involved increasing my acceptance of uncertainty, and my trust in my capacity to respond if I really needed to.

What I learned was that leadership was often a graded game of ‘wait and see’. Some issues need my immediate response, most obviously safeguarding the congregation effectively. Many needed my active observation, such as rumbling disagreements between individuals. Whilst others could just be labelled as possibilities until they required more serious attention. In my mind I imagined baseballs, sponge balls and beach balls. Whilst I needed to catch the baseballs, the other stuff was far less dangerous and could be handled very differently. As a result my anxiety, control and exhaustion all significantly improved. 

Ultimately I also saw my more patient and open approach as a statement of faith, that at the end of the day God would give me the wisdom and strength I needed to deal with anything that became more serious even if I had known about it for a while. My job was no longer to presume disaster and react accordingly but presume peace unless I have evidence to genuinely suggest otherwise.