Who I Am

I try so hard not to self harm,
It is what i do but it's not who i am.
It is what you see upon the outside,
Yet you miss what it says about what i hide.
He sees it all yet still it's my choice,
If i give into this urge or hear His still voice.
Do i go with the feelings to hurt and destroy,
Or do i stop for a moment, remember His joy.
His joy in creation that He just wants to love,
In a way that could only be sent from above.
In a way that mankind just cannot conceive,
I just close my eyes and trust and believe.
Believe that no matter what I've been through,
He can turn it around and touch others too.
Bless them somehow because they will see,
His light and his love shining through me.
His peace and acceptance that took so very long,
To see he forgave all that i did wrong.
To see how He sees me through His very own eyes,
Instead of believing the Enemy's lies!
I now see in His eyes the hurt and the pain,
When i harm myself time after time again.
I thought He'd look with disgust and just turn away,
I couldn't see how He would possibly want to stay.
Stay close beside me even when my eyes close,
When i retreat to that place where nobody knows.
Soon i will win this fight with self harm,
It won't be what i do and it's not who i am!!