I Should Have Got Over It By Now
Have you ever been in a situation where you have visited a place, seen or heard something and then suddenly memories flood back and you are taken back to a time , a place and an experience which you thought was long time past and dealt with?
This happened to me just a few weeks ago. I was sitting in a Café having a hot chocolate and pasty, looking out of a window across the scene ahead of me towards the coast and the sea beyond. I was then transfixed and taken back over two decades.
I was aware of the occurrence that had happened in that very place all those years ago, the memories flooded back, all my senses were heightened, the sights, sounds, smells, noise, commotions, feelings, fears, thoughts, panic, hurt and pain.
There was I in a place with people milling around, eating, drinking, enjoying the sun and the scenery and full of life. But there was I, full of thoughts, re-living the experience of the past, wondering if anyone else on the site today knew what had happened here those years before? Or was I the only one who remembered, who knew, and for whom it still seemed like yesterday or even a few moments ago.
Life has moved on, I had moved on, the place had moved on and yet the reality of the past had just invaded my present. I could not focus on this for long as I had commitments, plans, people waiting and things to do. However, it reminded me that the past can still impact the present in a very real way.
I know some reading this will ask: Why haven’t I had prayer ministry regarding this? The answer is that I have. The difference is that what happened was real, it is still part of my life, my experience and my memories. It can not be changed for it happened and it was real. I have moved on in so many ways and have received much prayer and healing, yet at times like this I am left asking God: Is there something more that needs dealing with? God, are you calling me to be ready for the next stage of healing or spiritual operation as it could be described?
If I was to wait for the point where the past ceased to affect my present I would be waiting a long time. I am totally reassured that God can and does use us as we are, there may still be work to be done on and in us but in the meantime God will call us to be ready and available to be used by Him. We are called to live for Him now rather than waiting to reach perfection in body, mind, soul and spirit before being ready for Him to use us. God welcomes the wounded, He restores the wounded, and He sends us out to He the wounded on His behalf
Jonathan Clark, 30/03/2010
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